Understanding Men and Their Sexual Desire | Blog

I'm a man and also a future husband (if I get married someday) who probably will have a daughter.

As a man, I know that I have a huge tendency to have sex. Sometimes, I see women as a sexual subject and I think it's caused by hormonal/biological things that happen in my body/brain. I'm sad, guilty, and confused as to why I'm like this.

At the other hand, I know that women can feel unsafe in public. They can be scared around men. One of them is because men are (generally and traditionally) more sexually-driven than women. One day, I might have a daughter of my own. How should I protect her? What can I do to make her safe?

In this opportunity, I really wish to understand men as a creature with a strong sexual desire. The mission is to have enough knowledge about the topic, so I can work with it. I want women around the world to feel safe and I also want to make sense myself as a man.

I don't know what the questions to ask tho.

Why do men have stronger desire than women? I think I know the answer.
I think it's because of testosterone. This hormone is the cause why men are like this. I think, the higher the concentration of testosteron in one man, the stonger their sexual desire. 

I think there also some other stuffs that can affect the sexual desire, like how they're raised, the environment and the neighborhood where they're raised, the culture, the race, the age, the traumas that they have in the past, and so many other things. I can figure them all out but I don't need that answer. It doesn't useful enough for me.

Maybe I need to answer a questions like this:
What's the function of men having the greater sexual desire, for themselves and for the society? What is their role in the society and in a relationship related to their sexual desire?

Okay, so if we can break it down. We got these several questions:
1. What's men's role in society related to their sexual desire?
2. What's men's role in a relationship related to their sexual desire?
3. What's the benefits for men of them having a strong sexual desire? 

And maybe some additional questions:

4. What can men do with their sexual desire that can benefit the society?
5. What can men do with their sexual desire that can benefit women in public places?

I do know that we (men) have to hold and stop our sexual desire. But I think there's more we can do than just stop it all. There must be some beneficial things that we can work with with this sexual desire, right? Or is it just a huge flaw and can only be used in a relationship context?

I'm gonna focus on the society and public context in answering this topic. Also, I'll focus on men, not the women.

Okay, so first:

1. What's men's role in society related to their sexual desire?
So, imagine there are several men and several women in public places. The men are well-known in having a strong sexual desire. What can we do?

I think because men understand men, if there's a man who is going to hurt a woman because currently they can't control their sexual desire, the other man who is sober can stop them. So, in order to protect the women is for a man to be sober and has a good morality. Not just to stop themself, but especially to stop the other man/men who's not in contrl of their self. I think because men can't always control theirself (and it's okay?)

I know that some women can protect theirself, but right now I'm not asking about 'what women can do' but 'what a man can do to deal with their sexual desire'. So far, this is about a man dealing with another person, not about theirself.

Maybe as a note for the men, they need to be brave enough and have a good iniciative. Because stopping other people is not that easy, especially people who have nothing to do with ourself.

I think, the benefits of being a man is that we can see the sign if an abuse is goint to happen. We can see that enviroment is bad or the person seems to have a bad intention. I think those are our strenghts as a man. And that's good enough because we can use that to protect other people.

So, our answer to the question is to stop the other men for abusing their sexual desire. And it's a must. It's literally their main role in the society.

And I feel good about that answer. Maybe for now we can answer the next question.

2. What's men's role in a relationship related to their sexual desire?
Okay, so generally women have weaker tendency to have sex than men. Generally and traditionally. And it's not just about the how huge the desire is, but how often it appears, how flexibel that is, how strong it can affect the action of the person, etc. Men generally have a stronger sexual desire. But what is it for?

First, obviosly to reproduce. So, humanity can keep exist on this planet.

But I think it's because men are generally weaker in the romantic aspect. They're not as strong as women in wanting romance in their life. But if they don't need romance, they won't have a strong motivation to be in a relationship, unlike women.

Of course, men also need people in their personal life. Women can also be independent, even more than men. But I think men are not generally more romantic than women. Women are better at this aspect.

So, men need the sexual desire so humanity can reproduce. Women will be motivated by romance, men are motivated by the sexual desire.

To add more layer above that, the sexual desire can motivate them to make it fun in bed, to try new positions and other varieties. And if it's more fun, than it can help to support the relationship when the romance is low.

So, whoever has the stronger sexual desire in the relationship, the other one needs to trust them do their thing. Of course with some rules and boundaries. It's not an excuse for a man to see another woman or something like that. Vice versa, the one with the lower romantic desire should trust their partner to do what's romantic; to hold their relationship on.

That's being said, in this context, the advantage of men having a stronger sexual desire is to lead the relationship to have more fun sexually; for the sake of their relationship. Men can hold together the realtionship by having more motivation to do stuff in bed.

As a note, the sexual desire is really helpful when it only has something to do with sex. But not outside that. Also, it's only useful if the relationship is already made, but not before while the couples are still trying to know each others.

So, women have no reasons to allow men to let out their sexual desire when the women still don't want to commit with the relationship. Also, it's not really an exhange of romantic acts. Women don't have to give sex so men will give romance. Men MUST give the romance for the women anyway because it''s also their responsibility to do that, although they're not good at that. It's about who's the leader of each aspects, but not transactional.

Men will have two things to do:
1. Leading their partner in the sexual part
2. Following their partner in the romantic part

That's being said, I think the answer of what's men role in a relationship is to strenghten the relationship with sex, while following their partner's lead to experience the romantic part.

3. What's the benefits for men of them having a strong sexual desire? 
I think this question is already answered by answering the previous questions. Men's benefits of them having stronger sexual desire are:

1. They know where sexual desire can go wrong
2. They can keep the relationship from falling apart by doing something (sex) that sometimes the other partner can't even think of

So far, those are the best answers that I can get. Good enough. I think they also have answered the fourth and fifth questions.

There are some things that cross my mind.

First of all, I think the partner also should follow along when they're having sex. They need to at least try to be excited and desired while having sex, to make the men satisfied. Because it's literally the one thing that men look for in a relationship. It's quite crucial, although the dynamic can be varied among other couples. 

So, let's say the partner can also satisfy the man while having sex. I think it can give the man the sense of security. To make sure that they don't need to try to have sex with other people because their partner is good enough. Without that thought in mind, the man can feel frustrated and unhappy in the relationship. 

If you have a daughter, I think it's good to advise her to always have other people around her that can protect her if their male friend can't contrl their sexual desire. A man who is driven by their sexual driven can be so manipulative or get physical. Even a good male friend might not be able to protect her from the other bad male friend.

Also when the daughter has a sexual desire too, for her it will be something easy to control or stop, because they're not men. The women don't need to casually give men sex because it's not necessary unless they're in a long-term relationship. Unlike men, women can do many other things that are more fun and more satisfying than sex.

I guess for now this is enough to deal with men and their sexual desire. I hope I can understand more about this topic in the future, both as a man or to protect the women.