Andika Hilman Pramudita

Kiilling Me BY AHN I am sad I've been saying this since my 2016 me locked herself in a room it's empty, dark and lonely There was no one there, but me, that's fortunate because when I threw something no one would ever hear it Because when I killed myself no one will be looking for me because when I was happy no one will laugh along with me I got my medicines on the table I have to hide it but I don't hide it because it's more painful when I try to hide it It's my feelings why should I hide it? It's my identity why should I hide it? There is a room for me in an asylum so big but my parents won't take me because they think I'm sane and healthy yet I need treatment and I need therapy, be grateful I'm not killing myself because it's been in my head before the pandemic Why is it so sad to have this illness No energy for rage I'm all wound up Like some bullets Staying in my body It's painful And it's so deep that the doctor can't ta

Don't Be Afraid of Heaven a poem by ahn Don't be afraid of heaven It's not the end It's the beginning Of a everlasting journey It's an ideal place for you To grow To give To explore To do anything that your soul needs to do Don't be afraid of heaven You're needed there People need you In heaven, you're the angel You'll be appreciated Unlike hell Where everything you hate is there Heaven is different for everybody So, don't be afraid To fail before you die Be afraid for not having faith in heaven

I might seem strong now I can console people Giving some advices Enjoying my life But I was also a sad kid before My life was hard when I was younger I felt so lonely I stared a lot... to the blank wall There was a lot of emotions to feel I was overwhelmed too When I was a kid I enjoyed crying alone at night I did some crazy dances and pretended that I was alone My school life was the worst I was pushed to be the smartest kid but I was just not I got some bad grades I didn't know better than my friends It concerned me a lot I had no friends Maybe one or two But I never felt like they fully supported me I couldn't tell what I really feel to them I couldn't express myself freely It was just like having a person to eat at the canteen Or a person to sit with in the class until it was over When I had problems I didn't know where to go I couldn't tell my friends because I didn't want them to feel bad while listening to my stories I was sure they also had some concerns

I SWEAR TO GOD a rap lyrics by jane ft. ahn I sweaaar to God! I'm so terrible I tried my best for my personalities I waaant to change But I did whateveer I can But I can't help, because it's coming baack to me Agaain and agaain I'm like the devil of my ownn story Aarghh, huhh!!! I doo some bad things I mess, sup, everything My mind's so fucked up Then people say, "Oh look!" "She's soo sensitive!" Oh fuck you! Is it my fault for having so many mental health, problems? And I'm soo terrible that it's soo easy for mee to hurt things But not, to fix it And when I tryy to fix it, I'm sooo annoying I'm a loser, failure, problematic, devil, and the bad oone I sweaaar to God! I feel, outcast(ed), I just feel I wann' cryy so bad Because of it But I can't cry, even-if I wann' cry, I just cry, internally Like... Why can Iiii just, never- Suppose to be happy in my liife I would nooot- All the time I wouund myseelf And I doon