When I Was A Kid - Blog

I might seem strong now
I can console people
Giving some advices
Enjoying my life

But I was also a sad kid before
My life was hard when I was younger
I felt so lonely
I stared a lot... to the blank wall

There was a lot of emotions to feel
I was overwhelmed too
When I was a kid
I enjoyed crying alone at night
I did some crazy dances and pretended that I was alone

My school life was the worst
I was pushed to be the smartest kid but I was just not
I got some bad grades
I didn't know better than my friends
It concerned me a lot

I had no friends
Maybe one or two
But I never felt like they fully supported me
I couldn't tell what I really feel to them
I couldn't express myself freely
It was just like having a person to eat at the canteen
Or a person to sit with in the class until it was over

When I had problems I didn't know where to go
I couldn't tell my friends because I didn't want them to feel bad while listening to my stories
I was sure they also had some concerns, so I didn't want to give more bad stuff for them
So I ended up keeping it all alone

I also wanted to die, several times
I assumed that nobody would care if I died
Nobody would remember me anyway

I wasn't popular
I wasn't good looking
I had no talents
I wasn't good at sport
Neither in school organization

What funny was...
I admired a cute girl from afar
I couldn't tell her what I felt
Like, I knew I would be rejected anyway
I was a loser back then, a nobody
So, I just kept all those love for myself

My parents didn't make things easier
They wanted the best from me
But they didn't understand the struggle that I was going through
I felt like they didn't care
They didn't even try to understand
A simple "How's your day today?" would be nice
But I never received it from them

They fought a lot, you know
It was kinda hard to see that your parents weren't so loving like what they usually told on TV
It was strange
I felt like a broken-home kid

But time has passes
I've grown a little bit older
I'm doing better now
But I also experienced those things
When I was a kid

These days I can feel what a true happiness is
I start to enjoy my life
I simplify life, try to make it easier for myself
I try to escape the misery I've had in the past
I don't want to go back there anymore

I was a nice kid before
But things didn't turn out well for me
I'm still trying so hard to stay nice
And hoping that things will turn differently now