Jumat, 14 April 2017

I'm not wise....

Of course everyone wants to be loved.

Everyone loves attention. Everyone's happy when people care about them. But when I'm feeling it, I think I'm greedy. I also think I don't deserve it. It's like asking to myself "why do you force people to love you when you're nobody".

I'm so self-conscious about myself. My self-esteem is broken. The only reason I'm still alive is because death scares me. If death is nice, I'd rather die. But I'm a person full of sins so I don't think the life after my death would be good. But anyway I feel like I'm living in hell right now. I'm trapped in a tiring loop with no hope and true happiness. I have no options but I keep being told that I've made choices. That's what I think my life is.

What scary is I'm here just talking to myself. I'm writing to nothing. The post will get views, but no one actually read it. I think I'll get attention but I won't. No one cares. Everybody has their own life.

I used to believe that humans created to live their own life. Individualism. Then I changed my mind to think that love is something that needs to be shared. I thought I could share love to people. But I'm not. Maybe I'm too weak to do that. Or maybe that's not the answer. Maybe individualism is the better solution.

Everyone wants to be loved. I know that feeling. I'm sure I'm not the only one who needs love. You do need my love. But... can I keep sharing it when I'm started to losing it? I 'm dying. I don't think I can share what I don't have.

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